why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.