Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.