Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
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im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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