Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste