You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up