I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
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so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
We left the knife in your bed.
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I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?