There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Randomize
