Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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