You can't special order awesome
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
