His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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