In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
