wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
