I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
