That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
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I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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