Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
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