Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
