It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
We need a shit load of segways right now
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
