I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize