I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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