your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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