saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Randomize
