Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Randomize
