AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
