guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
