Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Randomize
