I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
