I wish I could teleport
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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