Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
