Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
