I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
