So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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