Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
