he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Randomize
