I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
