I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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