The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Randomize
