Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
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