Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
