I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Randomize
