I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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