that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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