I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
