When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Randomize
