Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
