dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
