just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Randomize
