i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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