I'm really into asian looking animals
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
