Where did you get a picture of my penis
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Randomize
