My pussy is not your playground.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Randomize
