You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
It's shark week go big or go home
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
