So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
