He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
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