Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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