ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Sober January is a disaster.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
