I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
areolas are like halos for boobs.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Randomize
