Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
