Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Randomize
