I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
