He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Randomize
