Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
