is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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