My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
She's the barista slut.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
