and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
