just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
