after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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