the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
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Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
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Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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