so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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