Jerry, you need to find god
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Randomize
