The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
