Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
