I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
