it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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