My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
